I'm at a crossroads, at the moment, unsure what to make of my experiences and beliefs. I don't know much about the paths of esoteric knowledge or where I should begin to look. I would appreciate any guidance offered.
I suppose I should begin by describing some of those experiences and beliefs. I'll try to make it brief.
1) I seem to be capable of entering a waking state in which I catch glimpses of some sort of extradimensional beings. I'm pretty sure they aren't ghosts; there's nothing human-like about them. I have a strange feeling it would be unwise to describe any of them right now, as most of them I've observed have been hostile or at the very least suspicious. My ability to enter this state at will is limited. I'm not aware of being trained in anything resembling this.
2) There is one notable exception to the above trend of strange beings - I seem to have won the favor of a spirit called Dragonslayer. She seems amused by the prospect of being described here, so I'll say what I know. Dragonslayer appears as a woman knight. Her physical appearance is inconsistent every time I look at her, but she is always wearing plate mail and wielding a sword and shield. Sometimes she rides a horse. Her teachings are a little long to get into here, but they generally concern self-empowerment and fighting evil. I can pretty much talk to her whenever. She's easy to contact.
3) My experiences are not couched in any particular religious background. I've mostly relied on the sciences for an understanding of the world my whole life. I have a psychology degree, and I've dedicated much of my education to studying the body. None of these things have disposed me toward any particular tradition, at present. That said, I am open to new ideas.
Does any of this resemble anything, or am I just going insane? I'm not entirely sure myself.
Thank you for bringing your experience to us, Gwendolyn.
What you describe does resemble the reports of other people. The range of events on the inner landscape is huge - and they do have something to do with landscapes few of us truly understand in terms of a give and take relationship between humanity and spiritual forces. What you tell us about yourself is helpful because there are many good people who question their sanity when this kind of thing arises. But you are not insane. You are a member of a fresh wave of 21st century people who are getting to the nitty-gritty of where science and magic meet, sometimes involuntarily.
This is why basic good things about yourself you didn't see the point in listing are also meaningful - in that you are most likely kind, open, and capable of putting your secular wisdom to good use.
Keep riding the experience, conferring with Dragonslayer, and let the mystery unfold. Use basic grounding and yoga techniques. Look for clues as to personal precedents and sign posts. Know you are not alone. Make it part of the planetary healing. Find out all you can. Relax and, if possible, enjoy. Publish a blog about this ongoing process here if you feel further moved to do so.
with love - sav
Thank you for taking the time to respond to my inquiry. If there is something I can do for you in return, please do not hesitate to ask.
Hearing your words is a new sensation. Last year, I was held in a mental hospital against my will for talking about these things. I suppose I've been afraid to explore them since. I think a blog might be a good place to start for me, since my constant retreat from these experiences has left me with a mess of disorganized thoughts and feelings that could stand being put in order. Maybe someone will find it helpful as well, like you say. I'm beginning to feel that healing others and healing oneself are connected.
Sounds like you're about to embark on a pretty big journey.
Maybe so. I've spent most of my time in meditation over the last week and find it straining my mind and body. There's a certain overwhelming darkness everywhere, and it feels like all I can do is hold a match to it. My enchanted sword was stolen from me a few months ago, and my local occult shop closed up, so I've been at something of a loss in terms of spiritual power I can bring to bear. I can't complain, though. Dragonslayer demands that challenges be faced no matter the odds, and so I continue expanding my awareness.
It sounds to me like you could perhaps have some qualities of a "medium", and ability to communicate with spirits/entities. This is completely natural, we do have some books in our library that can help you come to terms with this and provide some additional guidance. Go with what resonates with you, good luck.
I suppose that is possible, though my interactions with these spirits have largely just been observation so far rather than communication. Perhaps that is something I can achieve, however. I will search the library; thank you for pointing me in that direction.