The root – the base- earth – I am- Muladhara – Lam
Instinct security survival
The little girl
in the hospital. Fear from dieing. Being alone. She is so blind and afraid. So very alone. She is small 7 years old. She is stuck in a hospital hallway. She is sitting on the floor.But is getting better now. The child is hurt. It cant grow alone.
Fear of being alone. Of dieing alone. Of having no one to help me. I feel so small. Everything is so big and unsure.
The child is a healer. Emotional healer.
I went to the hospital. I saw myself when I was small. I was sitting there in a corner just outside of the OK room. in a corner in fetus position. I was so afraid. I was just 7 years old. I was about to be operated on for my heart defect. My mother was on one side a nurse on the other.
“they don’t love me. they will let me die here. I feel so alone I am so afraid, what do these people in white want from me? what if I don’t wake up anymore? what is going to happen to me. why Is she leaving me with these people all alone. Doesn’t she love me?”
“she loves you. Be strong it will be ok. I am with you. “
I walked myself down the corridor after I sat there with her for a while with my hand around her shoulder.
“everything will be ok, you will be alive. They want to help you. They want to heal the sickness. It will be all right. Come we need to go”
She followed me and we entered the operation room. she sat on the table and fell slowly asleep. Her soul was restless. It needed help. It couldn’t survive this traumatic episode.
So I pulled myself out of my body just before surgery. I stood above her body and just reached out. I called her to come. The soul came out from top of the head. It floated out and stood next to me.
Together we flew through a tunnel of stars and sat on the clouds of the nothingness that surrounds a sleeping star. There nothing could harm her. She sat on the clouds and I stood on the corner of them aside her.
I told her it will be ok. She will wake up and will be ok. Mum loves her and she didn’t leave her alone.
“am I dead?” she asked
“you need to go back.”
“I don’t want to, it is scary down there, there is no colour and it hurts.”
“I will go back with u I promise.”
I took her hand in mine, looked down. The surgery was almost over. I jumped down with her.
We stayed aside her down in the room and looked at the body while she was operated on. I put protective sphere of light around her promised her I will be with her always and she will be well and will have a kid called gabrielle. She asked branielle?? I said yes and laughed.
I left as she sat back into her body.
The peculiar part is that when I was 7 during the surgery grandma told me I had an nde. That I passed away during it and they had to keep me alive on machines. Grandma told me mother wouldn’t talk about it because they thought they lost me.
Ever since I was small I had a memory as well that I woke up inside me during the surgery. And I couldn’t open my eyes. I panicked cause I was awake and no one else could hear me and see me that I am awake. At that moment I felt like I am flying out of me through the top of my head and than like a lightning really fast through a tunnel of stars. Than I would sit down on swirling clouds with a shapeless shadow that was asking me to go back that it isn’t my time. I didn’t want to at first but did when it said it would come with me. I woke up 3 hours later in IC.
After doing this session I realized the shadow I saw was me. me from now healing the child back than. That all of this did happen and it was a connection between the past and the future. Another detail I found interesting is that ever since I was a child I would say that I would have a daughter and her name would be branielle.
The goal with this healing session is to restore the missing protective and grounding feeling that any child needs when growing up. The security that someone is there to take care of you when you are small and helpless. That you are not alone and that even death can’t break a soul down. All ends up well in the end.
The child is extroverted healer. She is communicative and playful and loving. It is what I learned. That I am not an introvert as I thought I was, the blockade in the chakra made me this way. The constant fear that something will happen, because I was stuck in a moment of time that hadn’t passed yet for me. the child in me from back than felt this way and now it can grow up.
Root – family – upbringing – physical – body – instinct – survival
This comes with the question.. who am i?
I am a nurse
I am a writer, poet
I am a daughter, mother, sister, wife, aunt, sister in law, daughter in law
I am part of the family.
I am a healer
I am a priestess of the flame
I am ioana
I am a strong willed survivor and a warrior.
Though these are just labels so who am I? Who is the base of the existence?
I am a spirit divine incarnated in a temple earthly.
A journeying fool
How long has it been since that mortal day in july.
So many years that I can barely recall the event
Yet some details remain printed in my memory forever
Unmoving like a rock in the sea of mind.
Un changeable even by the tornados of emotion
That swirls explosively around the remaining rock.
The one thing that connects a past, a present and a future.
The spirit within in speaking forever in riddles that only I understand.
I have been so tired of the same screen play over and over
Never ending pain and torment from events that were once reality
If they still are, I don’t know. The mind says no yet the heart says yes.
So which should I follow, reason or emotion?
Both seem incomplete on their own.
Like looking at an elephant from two different ends.
None show the actual elephant, yet both correct in the part they see.
So is it truth? That depends on which end of the elephant you like to see.
There was a time long ago back when I was seven, that times were dark.
Death was upon me with her boney hands. She came for me on that day.
Why she didn’t take me, I don’t know. Only the beloved knows.
Such traumatic event, such turbulent emotions. Buried so deep within.
Too deep for the objective mind to reason with yet shallow enough for the heart to feel.
No depth is too deep for the mind of the heart.
So afraid the little child was in the hall of white.
Alone in a room full of people. Mother on one side, nurse on the other.
Yet no one to show the support it needed.
So I looked up at father sky and asked him to bring me there.
To take me to the little child who needed help.
Who is better to help her, but herself.
All others will just sooth the symptoms.
No true healing is done by another; no retrieval is done by another.
Change must happen from within the self and by the self.
For only the self knows self best. Everyone else will just speculate.
No matter how much they wish to help and how much they try.
It will never be enough, they will never know the depths of the self
That hides deep behind the walls of the castle of ice.
So I traveled through a tunnel of stars and came to speak to a child.
So much loneliness and insecurity. No stability, no sense of family and no security.
How can there be when there is no home and there is no mother. Even though she was right there.
“she loves you , she just doesn’t know how to show it. she is afraid as well just like you.
And you are not alone because I am here now. And I will be always here” I told the child
I waited for her next to the doctors, in the sterile room of death.
No child should experience death so young.
Out of her body the child was, on top of clouds I brought her.
With me to the center of the center.
Where nothingness rains and where there is no pain.
The void heals all wounds; the void swallows it all away.
The silence of the nothing will sooth all chatter
That runs endlessly by the imbalanced tape of the mind.
One cant change the past, but we sure can change how we think about the past.
There it is underneath my feat, earth spinning slowly in all her glory.
How is it that she looks so gray, so scary when only love is born from her.
“you cant go further, you have to go back. Its not your time yet. Don’t worry I will be with you when you fall. I will jump with you and hold your hand. Down there I will stay with you. You are not alone”
How much it took to not go on, I have no idea.
Time seemed to have vanished in the winds.
Formless, shapeless, limitless I stood there along side me.
Outside the range of time and space.
Underneath me, the layers of space all divided by time.
Focus on a time and space shall appear.
Think of a place, faces form out of the blue.
Such simplicity spirit holds, has thought of it all.
Nothing stays hidden for the magic of the most high.
All around us clouds of electricity and air.
Spiraling around us and underneath us.
Time had come, the child must go back.
Hand in hand, with eyes one with the one.
A step forward in the wide unknown.
How peculiour is it that events from so long ago
Only make sense now that time has passed.
That memory exist of something that hadn’t taken place yet.
What kind of magic bends time and space in a way that the future is in the past.
What is time when both lines exist simultaneously.
Two rivers flowing along side one another and yet within one another.
Bound only by the present and the immortal spirit within us all.
I stood there in the room with a child by my side.
As I remembered from so long ago.
How mind boggling can it be, that the being I searched for all my life
The angel who brought me back so many years ago.
That formless faceless being I spend forever seeking.
It was me.
A memory kept so dear, yet not understood.
For it hadn’t happened yet.
The doctors were running, the line was flat.
A body lifeless on the table of life.
How long does a body need before a spirit returns?
I don’t know the answer of that one; I know the doctor and his machines
Kept the body alive for three hours without a child within it.
“you will be ok, everything will be fine. You will live, no one will hurt you. I will always be here”
These lines have been with me all my life, not knowing I said them to me.
Years in the future.
These lines the child heard just before it went back where it belonged.
A success they called it, the little girl could breathe again.
A little girl that was me.
Everyone needs someone sometimes.
We all need love, we all need care.
In the darkest hours when no one can or is willing to help.
We must remember that we will be there.
That there is no separation between than and now.
That spirit knows and sees all and is everywhere.
Loneliness is but a state of mind.
We don’t need another to make us feel good, even more that is impossible.
No one can make you feel anything. Feeling is internal. It is from the self.
The self doesn’t need anything either for it is a mirror of the all
Within a body mortal. Here to experience the grandiose work of art that is life.
-- to be continued with the next chakra
Wow, so inspiring! Thanks for sharing.
Can't wait for the next instalment. :)
Anki that was beautiful, what a journey and im so glad you understand :~) Thanks for sharing <3