I feel. I feel more so for others.
Is this a gift or a curse?
Why am I attracted by this messy, confused whirlwind of energy, that is not my own?
Or is it my own?
These relationships are one-sided. These interactions are one-sided.
I had no say, or did I?
Have I been running from the very thing that I am attracted to?
The need to serve others before myself.
The motivation to solve problems is the same, to silence the noise.
But whose problems am I solving?
And what benefit does this truly provide to others?
And where is the benefit for me?
To be drawn, led, pushed by the emotional responses of others?
Where is the "I AM" in all of this?
One thing for sure is that the "me" is being swept into currents that are not my own.
But yet the attraction is my own?
It's a reflection of that which resides in me.
Many glances in the mirror, but the reflection is assumed to be someone else.
And so I keep looking in the mirror, and another reflection appears, wearing slightly different clothes.
But the colors are the same as the previous.
What I don't see is "me", looking at the mirror.
Realizing that what I have been looking at this whole time is, me.
I have attracted the reflection there.
The emotion felt was a signal, to look, to attract.
But I was engulfed by the waves of emotion.
I could not perceive what the reflection was clearly, and surely did not perceive myself.
I was too busy drowning in waves reaching out for anything that felt solid.
Now the waves have calmed. Through age and experience.
I look back now into those turbulent waters, and I see the waves.
I also see the reflections wearing different clothes, but all with the same color.
Like debris left after a ship wreck, they trace the line of my past.
Calmer waters are here now.
I question all interactions and relationships now.
Not to destroy possibility, but to find my place within them.
To seek balance and maintain calm waters for safe travel, amidst the raging sea!
The Individual Is Paramount
As Within, So Without