Esoteric Online

I feel better than a year ago... still.. I feel fucked-up.. Clueless about what to do next... I actually don't really care..Lies.. Deep inside me I care.. but it's buried so deep that I can't reach it anymore.. Voices come to my mind all the time.. "Coward" ,"Halelujah", "Prophet", "So sorry" "Hipocrite" "Pig".. I don't understand them.. Yes I am a coward.. but "Prophet"? I'm not a prophet at least I know that.. Still I'm thankful that the voices are much quieter than last year... 2017 was a hard year.. still much progress I had.. Next step is.. What to do with feeling of being miserable all the time.. feeling of weakness and trapped inside this fucking city.. What should I do.. Yoga? I hate yoga.. Meditate?? Last time I meditated I ended up screaming scared I was leaving my body..Im a musician.. That's were my heart is.. with music I feel at peace.. at least for a while.. Then I have to come back to this life.. trapped inside this mind.. I want to feel free again..I want..

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Comment by Kevincito on January 31, 2018 at 4:10pm

HerE? lmao

it was so easy.. i feel dumb now :S

Hey thank you for your reply Jolan! Really helpful.. I don't think things too much tho.. maybe i should ::D

thanks meen

Comment by Jolan ☯ on January 31, 2018 at 12:33am

Hi Kevin, you say you don't know how to comment on your blog?

Just type your reply in the comment box and hit 'Add Comment' ;)


Comment by Chill on January 1, 2018 at 6:08pm
Jalon thank you for giving that insight. Honestly. Kev, do what is natural to you, your impact on this earth is a snowball. No one has THE answer you need, its written in your interests/passion. MAKE YOUR MARK

Comment by Jolan ☯ on December 30, 2017 at 4:37am

The mind, the conditioned human problem solving reactional mind is the number one resistance to our welbeing. Not that it needs to be cut off, but it sure needs a more balanced place in our lives. As kids we have been conditioned by skool mostly, to rely on that type of mind to steer our lives, and to figure out what life is about, and where we want to be. One can only hit a wall when the mind is used a s primary means to govern our lives. It's safe to assume that you are out of balance with your own constitition : Mind-heart-gut aka brain-heart cognition-gut cognition. The brain isn't supposed to lead our's far to programmed and limited to do so. Ideally we are lead by our heart (soul) and get our intuitive-feelings cognition from our gut brain. Another duality we have to deal with as humans is being a soul and having a spirit experience AND having a body...being an embodied spirit/soul. If we reject or neglect the needs of one of those 2, we are prone to disharmony. The fucking city you mention is much like the body that we have to drag around against our will, in which we feel trapped if it is alike the city life, cut from nature and cut from the whole picture that is our whole self. Many people are so out of wack with their whole self, that they start to live inside their minds, which is - important to note- dominated by thoughts and idea's from other people, with very little self generated thought. The mind has adopted a preset reality in order be conform with the city life, not be be marginalized and ridiculed by the mainstream flock attitude. Speaking of attitude... After a while of living in agony with our selves, our bodies and our minds, people tend to slide into the notion of being a victim to all the distortion in the world. One way to work at our lives and the outcomes of our experiences is to be aware of how we react to any given situation, being aware that we are free to chose how we react to any given situation, ideally in a way that doesn't self sabotage our selves, judge our selves and others/the world, by taking nothing personally, realizing everything is an experience intended to expand our selves and all that is. The power to direct our lives lays in our ability to chose the way we react to events. Understanding this mechanic leads to more responsibility, by learning our ability to respond. Life is a constant ping pong game between the outside world and our own selves, in which each strike of the ball sets in motion a whole way of life. Ideally we are lead by our soul's desire, our soul's calling for being here, doing more of those things that raise our vibration is a way to check if it is in line with what we want in essence. The mind has been over rated and set as master over heart and feeling, especially by males... The heart shd lead, the mind shd be used as a tool, a means to do structural methodical work/ also automated actions such as body functions, while the gut brain provides us an nonlinear cognition of what goes around- intuition tells a thousand words and images, which the linear brain can not. Bottom line : Order can be reset. It all starts with wanting/choosing and allowing.

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