Esoteric Online

Something about me and my life and some ponderings (Incomplete still)

I looked into the vastness of Eternity and died. Only to be tortured for another moment. When I came back I was forbidden to talk about it. They placed a veil upon me so I couldn't come out with it. Then they tortured me even more. Anyone I tried to speak to just turned their face away from me and ignored me. Like there was nothing to see. It was like all doors were closed and locked.

I tried to puruse spirituality and purity, but even as I did the others just resented me harder. Now I had become a threat to them. I even now had enemies that I did not know of. They seemed to torture me harder until I became insane. This insanity they locked into me and kept me locked like that for the duration of my stay here. It was something that made everyone gasp in relief. As they finally got into me. Finally a handle to hold me by. But not they did not stop there. They even took my girlfriend and turned her against me. As she held he keys to my soul. And these keys they needed also. So fierce were their anger that it caught me unprepared. So fierce to Judge were those in high spiritual positions that I became afraid. I still had that Fire burning within me, but now I was becoming more like a beast. This beast needed to be tamed before I could move on. They knew it and I knew it. They were not dumb, but neither were I. We all knew that this was a mess but no one seemed to care about the mess more than they did about the power positions they were offered. This they blindly lunged after.

Just when I awoke they did everything they could to stop me. Even turned my own family against me. I was young and dumb but having fun back then. But this didn't stop them. But neither did I. They were far older than I was but I had far more Fire than what they ever believed was true. This lead to an exhausting path that I took for granted back then. Now that I have travelled I am but a tired Spirit. This was their goal all along. But see I can not even be tired since it is written above High. These Fools do not even fear their own God. Yet this God is more terrifying than the most terrifying Christian view of Hell. And there they are boasting inside the Light how fat they have become of this mess and how much Power they have over others. Fools say I. There will come a Time when all of this is redeemed and these Fools will fall even though they be Kings. They will do anything to try to hide this fact. But in the Light, everything is revealed. Nothing can be hidden. Inside this Light they will burn.

I was surprised myself how many human beings hated this Light. Even though it was both the father and the mother. Both the mother and the child. Both the Child and it's Destiny. Many have tried to explain this Light. Many more have tried to grasp it but failed. It's truly invisible and intangible. I know only of it through my own experimentations. It is always present and there. Yet it cannot be contained in any vessel. Everything seems to grow towards it. Both real and unreal. In it is written the most profound things and secrets. Even the secrets of the Hearts of All Men is written within it. Both past and Future. Perhaps this is why so many hates it. They rather turn away from their own Heart and their own Secret just to not have it whispered out over the cosmos. Then when someone reminds them, they get angry and hostile.

Shall I even begin to write what has happened inside this country? I can relate to the struggle of all the other Prophets and their path. But in a modern country like this? And it still happens. Now that I am insane they are all relieved. But when I show my own spark they become afraid of me. This spark is Everlasting and it is written upon high that those who betray Me will feel My Wrath.

When I awoke I got shining eyes as bright as the Sun. I was relieved of everything and was with this warm all-encompassing Light. I knew that I would go Home again. But the path continued and I had to struggle to the uttermost of limitations of my own body. I even went to War. The enemy was really sneaky and did everything to betray me. But finally the struggle is over and We have Won. They do not stand a chance anymore. But so brutal were they that I had to protect a whole country from them and their ways. I even warned the people here of them that they should not join them and their insane lust for Power and Dominion over everything. Many heeded the warning but a few did not. These I taught in my own ways and they left the wicked ones pretty quickly. The Battle is now over, and those that helped these wicked ones will burn and be forever without Peace. This is Divine Justice. It was not enough for them that they had already taught humanity their wicked ways and got them to Fall, they wanted to take over Nature also. This We could not let happen. So we had our own Warriors around the planet. These are forever uncorruptible souls and have the brightest sparks of all. We only hope that they do follow the Path of humility so they don't become boastful and overly proud of their endevaours. This humility will be like a rose pedal to those that grasp the lessons that Humility brings. Humility is not weakness but a strength to those who get it. It follows the element of Water that takes all forms.

Will see what shape this story or Book takes as it grows older. Everything has a seed, and given the best nurturing of that seed it grows to it's strongest potential. I myself have gotten nurtured by something else that I can not say nor explain. It has not been of the easiest paths, but this is the hardest reincarnation that I yet have to live. I am not yet sure if I can live it to it's end or not, but am constantly struggling with things. Hopefully I get to live to the end of this. But some things just hurt so much that I'm constantly being battered by those feelings. Even though they are only feelings, but they are enough to get me completely powerless and apathical. But now I have the written word so perhaps this will make things a bit better.

I constantly ponder upon the meaning of the number 7, I was awakened at the age of 21 which is 7+7+7 and was born on the 7th day of May. 7 has always been my lucky number. So in this case I rest on the 7.

Now I am just like the others, Fallen like them. This way I can blend in with mundane people without them noticing anything different on me. Yet I'm still insane and bear the wounds of Battle and lack of sleep. Even though I use this mantle of Weakness as a decoy if anyone tries to attack me. It seems like a fitting strategy. Now that the battle is over, my body is still overencumbered. I noticed that my Spirit is a lot stronger than my body and my body is but a weak and frail experiencer to all of these horrors. The Spirit is what will survive at the point of Death. But this body will not. Long have I pondered upon how my consciousness integrates itself into my Spirit at Death. But even as I have blown my own consciousness to bits it seems that the only reality that happens at Death is Void and Nothingness. This means that even my consciousness will not survive Death. The human brain also seems to be wired so that it doesn't believe in an afterlife or spirits and I have many times gotten ridiculed by this. But I suppose that's just how we are all designed. But I have a huge imbalance inside myself which makes it so that I can peak over things. This is an alchemistic procedure where I need to transmute myself to something better than what I currently am in. My own shadow self is so fierce and vicious that I'm having trouble transmuting it. Yet I know that this is what all Men will have to do. We are both the Shadow and the Light. There is not Satan inside this world. It was a common scapegoat of the forces back in the past. Yet there are darker forces and what not that comes from the collective consciousness of humanity and these darker forces can act upon things. But yet there is no scapegoat for Evil called Satan. Inside Ceremonial Magickian circles Satan was the tester of God. I hold this true, since we are all being tested in various moments of our lives. But there is no one to blame for this mess than ourselves. The faster we wake up that we are in a mess the better. It is like humanity has skipped some really fundamental lessons of Divinity, just to make it here that we are today. These fundamental lessons will become really important in the future now as humanity is reaching a state where it can finally start to awaken. This is what they meant with Hell before Heaven. It is also a fundamental part inside the human being which is Hell before Heaven. Purgatory is just another cleansing place for those that have wandered off from their true Heart. There is no Eternal Hell like depicted in Christianity.

Something about a few guys. Buddha was not a Buddhist, Jesus wasn't a Christian and so forth. I think it is good to ponder upon this. Since it seems to be the human mechanism to look at the finger pointing to the moon instead of looking at the moon yourself. I find it a bit humorous and stupid that there are bible thumpers that read the so called 'holy book' that has been squeezed of all it's holy ingredients under numerous translations and meetings and what not and then they argue who is right and who is wrong. Atleast the Quran is intact. Yet it is to be read in it's native language to be understood properly. In the same way we could argue that the bible needs to be read in it's native language, to be understood properly. We could even argue that the hebrew language is so complex in it's structure that it can not be translated without loosing a vital part of it's ingredients. Now I think I can tell you something about Yeheshua (The one you would call Jesus). He lived his life in a manner that left an imprint inside the collective conscoiusness of humanity. His life is literally inside each and one of us. In this sense we need no book to follow Yeheshua. If I can use the Light in this manner and make all on an unconscious level see how I live then I know Yeheshua can also do it. It is no new invention and has been here since time immemorial so. In this sense we all have a Yeheshua inside of us.

Another thing about Jesus is that his true hebrew name Yeheshua means YHShVH which literally in hebrew means the “Spirit of God”. It is gods true name YHVH + Shin letter in the middle which indicates Spirit. So it becomes the “Spirit of God”. Now if we ponder even greater upon this. Aren't we all Spirits of God?

I'm being told that I'm being trained to become a Divine Worker on this planet in this lifetime. This is now the 10th time that I have to abandon my own life for some Divine Duty. Yes, reincarnation is true, as harsh at it seems. But atleast we are given a clear start everytime this happens. Which makes the process easier for everyone. I have been here a long time and will be here for some time to come. I will always be guiding humanity in the appropriate way for those that need it. Yes I am a Sorceror, but I do not go against the Will of God. I found out that I do not seek Power. This Power has come to me and I am but an instrument of it. This Power is nothing to be played around with as it has serious consequences. Once you get chosen for a Power Path there is little to do but die to get out from it. But now I'm finally finding some balance inside this Power. I noticed from one experience that this Power is but another flipside of Love itself. It's other form is Pure Love. Which is certainly interesting.

If all this Power would be brought to surface people would panic. As it is truly capable of doing Miracles and moving objects and what not. That is why I try to keep it concealed in everything I do. It is a Path of extreme suffering also. This suffering seems to indicate that one needs to be kept in a completely pure state all the time. It's also what some would call karma burning. Now karma, that is an interesting concept and I am pretty certain that most get it wrong. The human embodiment of the soul is that of Divine Love. We can not run away from our own Hearts even as much as we would want it. In the end this Divine Love is where we end up, and is what burns us at the stage of death. This is why impeccability of the Sorceror is so important. Impeccability what does that even mean? It means that in all consequences are you impeccable to your own true Self. It's a state rather than a feeling. It means to be pure in heart. Since we are herd creatures it's so important for those that want to be good leaders or just be their true Self to be impeccable to yourself in all conditions. I myself learned the hard way. A good example of impeccability are children. No wonder that they are more connected to the spiritual side of things than we adults. They are also more creative and unencumbered by life itself. It's a state of flowingness and deattachment that we need to get back to being inside that state.

I had a very interesting magickal mishap happen to me with Sephiroth the Jewish Tree of Life. I placed it as candles on top of my carpet in vessels. I vibrated every god name into each corresponding sefira except Tiphareth which in hebrew means “Beuaty”. Then I went to sit inside the candles and many paths of the sefiras fell into me and inside me was whispered 'sacrifice'. Which got me thinking how does Beauty relate to Sacrifice on this planet? And what does that even mean? When a mother gives birth to a new lovely child she has to Sacrifice herself. Even raising up children is a mean of Sacrifice. But how does this relate to Beauty? To gain something inside this world we have to sacrifice ourselves to get it. If we follow the Laws of Thermodynamics it states that energy can not be destroyed, only transformed. This means that to get something we need to sacrifice something in order to get it. There is a boundary for this sacrifice that is good to keep. Otherwise unbalanced sacrifice only leads to being plundered by your peers.It is the same as unbalanced Mercy which makes you weak. But then again balanced and well-thought Mercy is like honey from the Heavens. It can really make difference in your relationships, so ponder upon this for a while. Perhaps Sacrifice is the very core of hermetic Transmutation? Again we come to Hell before Heaven principle. To overcome a trauma we need to feel really bad first and go through the spectrum of emotions inside. After that we will feel both empowered and strengthened and good. Same with fears. To subdue a fear inside we need to fully surrender to it, only then will we be able to transmute that energy to something of better use. This is how our mind deceives us in various manners. But those with strong enough discipline can probably do this.

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Mystic
Comment by anki on March 3, 2018 at 11:58am

writing heals for sure, doesnt matter where. its about getting thigns out of your head


Shaman
Comment by Amur on February 27, 2018 at 4:11pm

Yeah I agree. And felt like I got healed at the same time. Always thought that just writing on the computer doesn't establish an internal dialogue but it clearly did. Will definately continue with this.


Mystic
Comment by anki on February 27, 2018 at 3:19pm

i think its a great way to put things in concept and write it out. it gives u a good insight about urself abnd what u want from life.

its well written for sure u coul even meditate on soem of the topics here to get even more depth to what u feel ur life is about


Shaman
Comment by Amur on February 27, 2018 at 11:59am

I'm being told that I'm being trained to become a Divine Worker on this planet in this lifetime. This is now the 10th time that I have to abandon my own life for some Divine Duty. Yes, reincarnation is true, as harsh at it seems. But atleast we are given a clear start everytime this happens. Which makes the process easier for everyone. I have been here a long time and will be here for some time to come. I will always be guiding humanity in the appropriate way for those that need it. Yes I am a Sorceror, but I do not go against the Will of God. I found out that I do not seek Power. This Power has come to me and I am but an instrument of it. This Power is nothing to be played around with as it has serious consequences. Once you get chosen for a Power Path there is little to do but die to get out from it. But now I'm finally finding some balance inside this Power. I noticed from one experience that this Power is but another flipside of Love itself. It's other form is Pure Love. Which is certainly interesting.

If all this Power would be brought to surface people would panic. As it is truly capable of doing Miracles and moving objects and what not. That is why I try to keep it concealed in everything I do. It is a Path of extreme suffering also. This suffering seems to indicate that one needs to be kept in a completely pure state all the time. It's also what some would call karma burning. Now karma, that is an interesting concept and I am pretty certain that most get it wrong. The human embodiment of the soul is that of Divine Love. We can not run away from our own Hearts even as much as we would want it. In the end this Divine Love is where we end up, and is what burns us at the stage of death. This is why impeccability of the Sorceror is so important. Impeccability what does that even mean? It means that in all consequences are you impeccable to your own true Self. It's a state rather than a feeling. It means to be pure in heart. Since we are herd creatures it's so important for those that want to be good leaders or just be their true Self to be impeccable to yourself in all conditions. I myself learned the hard way. A good example of impeccability are children. No wonder that they are more connected to the spiritual side of things than we adults. They are also more creative and unencumbered by life itself. It's a state of flowingness and deattachment that we need to get back to being inside that state.

I had a very interesting magickal mishap happen to me with Sephiroth the Jewish Tree of Life. I placed it as candles on top of my carpet in vessels. I vibrated every god name into each corresponding sefira except Tiphareth which in hebrew means “Beuaty”. Then I went to sit inside the candles and many paths of the sefiras fell into me and inside me was whispered 'sacrifice'. Which got me thinking how does Beauty relate to Sacrifice on this planet? And what does that even mean? When a mother gives birth to a new lovely child she has to Sacrifice herself. Even raising up children is a mean of Sacrifice. But how does this relate to Beauty? To gain something inside this world we have to sacrifice ourselves to get it. If we follow the Laws of Thermodynamics it states that energy can not be destroyed, only transformed. This means that to get something we need to sacrifice something in order to get it. There is a boundary for this sacrifice that is good to keep. Otherwise unbalanced sacrifice only leads to being plundered by your peers.It is the same as unbalanced Mercy which makes you weak. But then again balanced and well-thought Mercy is like honey from the Heavens. It can really make difference in your relationships, so ponder upon this for a while.

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