- essay based on a dream, written by me.
Sometimes what we fear is exactly what we need the most, the things we avoid is what will help us and the people we dislike is who will teach us the biggest lessons in life. The darkness of the soul is the ugliness in us we all try to hide even from ourselves. It is that side of us we like to pretend that it doesn’t exist. In Slavic spirituality, it was Baba Yaga and in ancient Sumer, they called her Lilith, the dark feminine force the wild woman inside that does whatever she wants. That would bring me to the question of what dark is, to begin with. If it is what we keep hidden and light would mean knowledge, then we can only assume that the darkness is a misunderstanding or that which is unconscious. The locked rooms in the labyrinth that is our mind. It hides so many sides of us that we would rather not see.
It reminds me of a nice story I would like to share that is a very symbolic example of the beauty inside our own insecurity and fear. There was once a small village in north Wales. It was so small that it basically had only one street and it ended up with this abandoned asylum from the Victorian era. At the beginning of the street, there would be the most beautiful colourful houses all lined up like for a parade, beauty unseen yet all so lame. There is one ancient truth and that is that beauty is skin deep, behind the doors of those beautiful houses there was dust and broken tables. There was no life and no food boiling in the kitchen. The furniture lay broken on the floor, the lights hadn’t worked for years and only mice ran in and out. On the outside, it was paradise on the inside death. Nothing was there in that skeleton of colour, it fed only the eyes.
Those houses are just like people because sometimes it’s the people who are most pleasing to the eye are most dead inside. The soul is too often sold for that diamond rings and the love of many. When the love of the one stays hidden in the dust of the past. True beauty lies in a rich heart. It is in the eyes as pure as that of a child and in the touch of an angel. It is in the I love you that came from the heart, so beautiful it makes you cry. More often than not the most beautiful hearts wear a poor coat. By all means, I don’t want to generalize but often this is the case. The beautiful houses offer no lessons though everything is perfect and already done. It is behind us and there is no growth there so the mother will not ask us to go where we can learn and grow. Life is a theater and we are actors in a play, yet we do practice our parts and learn the scripts so we can evolve to play better parts.
The road we are on, the path we follow is that yellow brick road that seems bumpy yet covered in gold. Like in a horse and wagon we travel along the way, pulled by those two horses of the chariot by mother and her golden child. By the sun and the moon. To meet our demons to face our fears and to enter the dark temple of our minds. It may seem like we are a prisoner of faith and like we can't escape but nothing is further from the truth. Life, faith is only what we chose it to be. There is no destiny there is the only choice, yet choice we don’t understand. It isn’t a choice of the mind but a choice of the heart and soul. Our soul is the driver of this chariot we have. It is true us, we aren’t this name this body this work position or even our feelings. We are the driver behind our choices. The true self is the self that hides behind an open heart whispering in the dark reminding us to not give up.
This beautiful driver, the perfection in us, the philosophers stone, the perfect mind our thundering god. The soul that is us is driving us into the road less traveled to learn and grow. It wants us to go into the scary abandoned haunted mansion so it can experience and learn what life is all about. The screeching fence will open and our chariot will slowly but surely enter the dark forest of the mansion when the rain never stops and clouds are always dark, where the sky is crying with tears of gold in memory of those we have lost in life, it is all the sadness we hide away from everyone. The pain in our hearts the betrayal and hurt. The memories we can not let go because it has been so unfair and no one understands the darkness inside. One thing we need to remember though, no one has to understand and no one can understand. They will only understand when they feel it and that is something we just can’t let happen now is it? The true agonizing pain inside the heart is what we don’t even wish to our biggest enemy. The rage in our hearts when we are used when that which is precious to us is left for granted or taken away, the anger when hurt by the people we love most. Nothing earthly is pure only the soul is but that doesn’t mean it isn’t justified and it isn’t righteous to exist.
At the end of that path the last judgment, the trial before paradise the dark night of the soul. The mansion of horrors that hides everything dark in our mind. Everything we have done and everything is done to us is in there. A house of mirrors that reflects everything in our mind that puts is bare naked with our own life. How brave does one need to be to face their own mind? To admit to all the thoughts, we have thought and all the feelings about everything. Isn’t it admirable that there are people able to look in that mirror see themselves and learn from it? Look deep inside the eyes of the shadow, bow their heads in respect and smile because everything was so different than we thought it would be. This mansion of horrors is just a mirror of our own mind. It is the dark side inside. The scary shadow of a monster on the wall when in reality it’s just a mouse.
In the middle of the lobby, there would be a little girl. The big bad shadow would be 7 years old. A child with beautiful eyes and blond ponytail waiting for you to love her. To not deny her existence and do not deny the feelings he has. To be honest with her and allow her to feel the pain and hurt she has inside. The fear in her heart doesn’t make her less worthy to be seen and heard, it makes her in need of love. That is what would heal all her wounds inside her broken heart. The motherly love, the white dove coming from the clouds blessing her with the light of the divine, with the knowledge of who she really is and how perfect and beautiful her soul is. That it isn’t her aching heart and it isn’t in her chaotic mind. It is in every cell of her body and in every drop of oxygen. It is inside her and all around her. It dances with the life within it all. Here and there, now and forever. One of the three fires it is all about. Earth’s soul, our soul and the soul of the all.