I was a born and raised Catholic. My parents enrolled me into Catholic school from the ages of 11 until the time I graduated high school at 17, as well as Sunday school prior to that. For the most part, my faith was a sure thing. There was God, Jesus, the angels, the saints and everything seemed right in the world for the most part. I'm no stranger to traumatic experiences, but my faith was always something I could count on to get me through the hard times. As life moved forward, I began to have these feelings of awareness. Feelings that there was more to what I was led to believe, more than just what this bible gave me as wisdom. To be honest, I didn't like it. I felt like I was lucid dreaming, aware within a strange dream where everyone seemed to act the same, like carbon copies of each other. Being the curious person I've always been, I started to research different aspects of various religions and belief systems ranging from Ancient Kemet practices, Sumerian History to Hinduism, Buddhism, and every other ism I could read about. The one thing that began to stick out for me was Gnosticism.
If I get into it, this would turn into a novel but ever since this awareness my faith has been severely shaken to its core. A part of me is angry that I've been lied to, and another part of me is sadden that I'm not the only one that has been blinded by this false faith. There are times when I mourn the blissful blind idiot I used to be because my life was much more simple back then than it is currently. I'm not entirely sure where to go from here, where my lack of faith and trust seems to be the anchor that weighs me down from continuing on. I'm sure some of you, if not most, have gone through this crisis of the spirit so I ask, how have you overcome these feelings? If you haven't, how are you handling it all - living in a world that doesn't feel real where everything seems so commercialized and fake, but also having to be part of it as a means to survive? I don't know, maybe I'm making it more complicated than it has to be, but it keeps me awake at night.
Better to be aware. At the core is golden light, cosmic mirroring of the universal smile. But there are layers of personal emotional and character armoring to get through, and the external pollution in every translation or advertisement or relationship - that has to be breathed through as well. Hang in there!
link has a related comment...a start in any case.